Restless Search

by annadelaurier

I like the short-term. I can focus for only a small amount of time before some new attraction must stimulate my senses.
It began in grade one when I decided to be homeschooled the following year. During that time, I decided school actually was okay and I should go back. I stayed a few years but in my first year of middle school, I moved back home again. Seventh through tenth I stayed at a tiny Christian school, but then bored of that and moved halfway through my sophomore year to the local public school. A year and a half there and I was back to Westminster Christian to graduate high school. Berry College lasted only a year because of an eleven-month mission program I had planned to do. Instead, family emergencies caused me to change my plans, which I am now thankful for. This left me school-less and unemployed so naturally with my love of children and a bad taste in my mouth from working so much in the food industry previously, I began frantically applying to nannying positions.  I moved to Atlanta and found a lovely family to work for; it is a superbly ideal situation. Now I plan to go to Georgia State University for one semester to catch up on a few classes. Shortly after the semester ends, I will hop on a plane bound for Istanbul, Turkey to work a year as an au pair for what seems like a wonderful family.
It turns out my whole life has been broken up into increments averaging less than two years (I actually did the math) apiece. What does this say about me as a person? Am I unstable? Immature? Searching? Maybe.
I had my ideas about what each of these seasons would look like and all that I would accomplish, but maybe rushing to the next best thing is not always the best thing. Maybe it’s okay. I’m still a kid, really, so my “discovering” phase of life is allowed to be in motion.
Is the reason I’m always searching because I’m ever moving or am I never still because I’m always searching?

The truth is what I seek. I have found it in various places and it will continue to show itself in every phase of life.

The truth is what doesn’t change, which is comforting to me as I somewhat restlessly search it. Why shouldn’t we be restless over this? It is what truly matters.


Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.